I Get Along Better With Guys

“I get along better with guys. Girls are too dramatic.” I convinced myself of this for a long time.

But the real reason I didn’t like other women was that I was jealous.

I often dated guys with wandering eyes. Let’s be honest, it was more than their eyes that wandered. In relationships like that, women everywhere are a threat. I became hypervigilant about scanning my surroundings to determine who the most problematic female would be. In other words, which ones my man would be attracted to.

Working in strip clubs made it worse. When I showed up for a shift, the first thing I did was review the DJ’s list of women in rotation to determine my biggest competition for the night. In a world where you are using your looks and sexuality to fight over the contents of men’s wallets, relationships with other women are complicated. Funny enough, the very same women that you are competing with on the floor, are the ones who will commiserate with you in the dressing room about the frustration of aggressive customers or the ones who sit at the stage all night but don’t tip or the drudgery of a slow night.

Even after I quit, it took a long time before I stopped seeing women as competition.

Here is the irony of it all… one of the things that has been the biggest catalyst for healing in my life has been… you guessed it…. Relationships with other women. But not just any women, safe women who are committed to their own health and recovery.

In order to do this, not only did I need to learn what a safe person looks like. I needed to become a safe person.

If you have ever been to a Treasures Support Group, you probably have already heard us talk about the book, Safe People, by Psychologists, Cloud and Townsend. According to them:

“Safe people are individuals who draw us closer to being the people God intended us to be. Though not perfect, they are ‘good enough’ in their own character that the net effect of their presence in our lives is positive. They are accepting, honest, and present, and they help us bear good fruit in our lives.”

SAFE PEOPLE

Don’t gossip

Keep confidence

Are who they say they are

Do what they say they are going to do

Are the same person across contexts

Draw us closer to God

Inspire us to be the best version of ourselves

UNSAFE PEOPLE

Judgmental

Critical

Dishonest

Perfectionist

Controlling

Domineering

Defensive

In Denial

Blaming and Shaming

Condemn instead of forgive

We aren’t meant for isolation and disconnection. We aren’t designed to do life on our own. I truly believe that healthy, reciprocal relationships are a vital part of the healing journey. If this is something you desire, I encourage you to sit with these questions.

How can I become a safer person?

What steps can I take to build relationships with safe people?

I truly believe that healthy relationships with safe people are one of the most powerful, healing things we can experience.